From Slob to Suave: An Extraordinarily Brief Guide to Obtaining Manly Enlightenment [Infographic]storestreamllc
Are you a guy who’s in need of a stylistic overhaul? Have friends, family members, and love interests given you hints (subtle or direct) that your wardrobe is boring and drab? Or that your hairstyle is hideous? Even if it’s your own fault that you look and act most times like a mental patient who’s on the run, it’s never too late to embrace your aesthetic existential crisis and prepare for a complete style makeover. “Rags to Riches”… “Slob to Suave” – Hey, it’s the primary archetype we all love and envy in our films, so why not try it out with your own life?
Are you ready to learn from James Bond himself how to transform into a new and better gentleman – a well dressed beau of style who radiates confidence… a sexual tyrannosaurus and a social beacon of manliness that others will fall into comas of awe over? Well, truthfully, this guide might not accomplish all these goals immediately, but it’s a fine start to begin your journey. Here’s to a new and better you!
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From Slob to Suave: An Extraordinarily Brief Guide to Obtaining Manly Enlightment
“Some Saturday night… not far away…”
This is the story of Zack.
Zack is a slob. He’s got a shaggy haircut and a frightening mustache. He wears cheap clothing until it falls apart, and he smells like the malt liquor he’s fond of drinking. Richly apathetic towards hygiene, culture, and communication, Zack still feels the rejection from others around him. He seeks, like any man, a sense of style, respect, and relationships with others. With a little help, he gets his wish.
“Sorry, man, but you’re not getting into this club looking and acting like that Take your molestache and beat it!”
“I’m trying my best!”
“Only losers whine about their best.”
“I’ve heard your lamenting, and as the Patron Saint of Suaveness, I’m going to help you man-up!”
“Zack, you look and smell a bit like a dungheap. Here’s how to improve your hygiene.”
1. Water should be warm, but not hot.
2. Wash and condition hair. Use a small dollop of product and emulsify it with fingers, then rub it into hair. Rinse well, and then repeat with conditioner. Too much product clogs skin pores, and using fingernails damages skin.
3. Wash face with a facial cleanser. Using hands or cloth works fine.
4. Wash your body from top to bottom using soap and a cloth. Be sure to completely rinse off. Soap residue dries and irritates skin.
5. Finish and dry off with a towel. Don’t dry hair and facial hair too hard or you will damage it.
“Zack, I’m going to have to cut you now, but it’s for your own good. We’ve got to take care of that rat’s nest on you head and face to get you looking suave.”
“If I wasn’t the one cutting your hair, there are several things you should know about receiving a perfect haircut from a barber.”
1. Figure out what style you want in advance.
2. Chat with your barber first and ask if your desired style matches the way you usually dress and look.
3. Be ready: come clean, and bring a photo of your cut for reference.
4. Be honest and real: being transparent with your barber means they’ll be open about your goals, and if and how they’ll work.
5. Don’t be afraid to speak: if you aren’t sure about something during your haircut, ask the barber. Feedback will only help.
1. Prepare a hot towel. Any clean, cloth towel will do. Optional: add a bit of menthol or a few drops of essential oil to the dry towel. Heat up the towel under a faucet, with boiling water, or even in a microwave. Test towel temperature with wrists – if it doesn’t burn, it’s safe to drape over your face and neck. Wait a minute or so, then you’re ready to lather and shave.
2. Apply a high alkaline shaving cream with a good shaving brush. Avoid getting it in your mouth and eyes.
3. Pull the skin tight and gently shave the first time going with the grain of the hair. For a closer shave, go gently against the grain a second time.
4. Rinse with warm or cold water.
5. Apply a non-alcohol based aftershave balm to soothe and moisturize the skin.
“You’re a problem solver!”
“More of a problem eliminator.”
“Say goodbye to your facial hair.”
“I…I look like Captain Kirk!”
“You’re starting to look good, but you need some suave threads – a respectable wardrobe fit for an elite secret agent. If you’re going to suit up, you’re going to need the following items:”
Suave Enhancing Items:
2. Cuff Links
3. Pocket Square
4. Bow tie
“Drinking scotch enhances and sharpens your appreciation for finely crafted things. Appreciating a resplendent whisky will, no doubt, contribute to your suavity. Let’s cover the basics.”
1. Single Malt vs. Blends: it’s a matter of taste, really. “Single malt” means a whisky made from one distillery, and a “blend” is a mix of whiskies from two or more distilleries.
2. Glassware: use a brandy snifter or tulip shaped glass for enhancing the bouquet when swirling.
3. Smelling scotch: there are thousands of notes that can be enjoyed through smell. Bring the glass to your nose. If it burns, bring it back a bit, then concentrate on the notes.
4. The first sip should be enough to cover your tongue’s surface. Hold it for a few seconds until the burn becomes sweet, then swirl it around your mouth and swallow. Try to identify specific flavors.
5. Appreciate the finish: after swallowing, the whisky notes remain in your mouth. Breathe in and out lightly and enjoy the flavors.
Zack has become one suave looking guy, but let’s not forget the cardinal behaviors as well…
1. Be confident! Nobody gets comfortable around a guy who is uncomfortable with himself. Make eye contact during conversations, and demonstrate you are legitimately relaxed and fearless.
2. Be funny. People love the funny guy: he’s the center of attention, and he makes those around him feel appreciated.
3. Be a gentleman. Always bring your manners along with you. Hold the door open for women, be a good listener, and treat those around you with respect and kindness.